blue_exposure (blue_exposure) wrote,

  • Mood:

A very sexual post

I am bisexual. More specifically, bi-curious, because I havn't had any sexual experience with a female. But I have had crushes on females, and find some turn me on.

Well, I was shrinking my mom. I started into the conversation just talking, like usual. I ended up talking about some friends, and she told me she doesn't want my friend Vanessa over here anymore, because she mentioned something about being bisexual... to my father. Has the girl no shame?!

Well, stupid move Vanessa made aside...

So I ask mom why exactly she has a problem with it, and she veiws it as a sin.

I didn't choose to be sexually attracted to females. It just happened that way. And it is very unlikely that I will ever act on these feelings, but I still have them, willing or not.

And you know what? I wouldn't choose to be any other way.

So, my mother would be shocked, absolutely shocked, if she ever knew about my sexual orientation, and she would probably kick me out or something.

In fact, my family would be shocked at any of my sexual wants, wishes, fetishes... you name it, they would be shocked. They are a family that approves of nothing but vanilla sex between married couples. They only thing they would approve of is my status as a virgin. But that doesn't mean I'm an innocent with no experience in "sexual activities". The only thing is, I have not had penetration, but I have had/given oral, been in the presence of a naked man (while I was naked), had manual stimulation... yeah, lots of stuff that makes me not quite an innocent anymore. ^^;;

I'm into so many things they don't approve of, such as...

I'm bi-curious.

I like the idea of a female-female-male threesome (of which I would be one of the females), and also the idea of a threesome with all females.

I'm into some degree of sadomasochism. It may stem from the self-injury that I like pain, but in any case, I get a thrill out of it, particularly being bitten, possibly even being whipped until I bleed. I'm not especially into causing pain, but I do like it if I have a willing partner, one who likes receiving pain. I don't do it for my own pleasure, but I do do it for one who wants it, and enjoy it in the process.

I like bondage. I want to tie someone up, fuck them. I want to be tied up and teased, then fucked senseless. I really like this idea.

I take dirty pictures of myself and send them to my boyfriend... and one other person, my best friend (who is male), because we have a deal.

And I masturbate regularly. With a vibrator.

And my parents would kill me if they knew this, any of this.

I feel deviant.

Sometimes I worry... what if they found out?

But they will never know about my sexual things. I don't see any of this as a sin. I am doing nothing wrong. If its between consenting adults who are safe about it, why should anyone have any say in it?

I hate my family sometimes. They disaprove of everything I am. I don't show these things to them. I have a front I put up for them. I am a different person to them than I really am... sometimes it makes me feel like a terrible person. But then I know that who I pretend to be is really kinder to them than the truth.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
Can i be added to your friends list?
Sure ^_^ I read a bit of your LJ, and you seem pretty cool.

I'm curious... what is your goal weight, and your current? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'm just curious whether yours is anywhere close to mine, or how long we have to go in comparison.


September 8 2006, 15:44:20 UTC 11 years ago

Thanks :-)
My goal weight at the moment is around 98lbs and trust me i have a loooooooong way to go yet! I've been having a really bad COE phase and i've put on a shocking amount of weight!
I'm really shy/embarrassed to say my current weight. Sorry.
Duh, That was me! Sorry!
I understand not wanting to say current weight. I don't like saying mine either. Could I ask how tall you are, though?

My goal weight is 96 lbs... I'm pretty short, 5'3". Thats what it takes to bring my BMI down to 17. Right now its over 24, which is pretty pathetic for where I was before I got a boyfriend.

You know how most people lose weight to "catch a man"? Well, as soon as I got one, I was having a lot of issues with eating whatever I wanted, and so I put on way too much weight from that -_-

I want to get there during the winter, so I can wear all these slinky sweaters I have from when I was a bit smaller, and actually have them be a large on me.

Its funny, I've been collecting clothes that are too small to motivate me, so when I lose enough, I'll fit into a whole new wardrobe! I look forward to it, for sure.

Anyway, I've been babbling. I tend to do that. Thanks for sharing! Its nice to know what other people are going through, and nice to have someone to talk to (even if I bore you with my rambling) ^_^
You didn't bore me! I love chatting! lol
I'm also 5'3 but my bmi is alot more than yours! I'm sure you'll reach your goal weight by winter